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This Week's Journal

What We Keep

Yesterday I was spring cleaning.

Not just organizing — really going through everything.

Piece by piece.
Memory by memory.

I didn’t expect it to feel like this.

Because as I went through my clothes, I realized…
they weren’t just clothes.

They were chapters.

The dress I wore when I was pregnant.
The outfits from Bali—sun, freedom, a different version of me.
The outfit from Burning Man—dust on my skin, music in the air, watching the most beautiful orange sunrise over the playa.
The one I wore to my first house music concert—Above & Beyond playing, feeling something open inside me.
The outfit from the first time I spoke on a panel—nervous as hell, but showing up anyway.
Even the pajamas from my wedding night.

Each one held a version of me I once was.

And I noticed something:

I hadn’t worn most of them in over a year.

Yet I was still holding on.

Carefully. Almost protectively.

And it made me wonder—

Why do we keep things we no longer use?

Is it the clothes?

Or is it what they represent?

Do we hold onto the memories?
The people?
The versions of ourselves we’re not ready to let go of?

Because letting go of the object
can feel like letting go of the moment.

Of the feeling.
Of the identity.

But here’s what I realized today:

The memory isn’t in the clothes.

It’s in us.

The woman who wore that dress,
who danced that night,
who stood on that stage,
who loved, who hoped, who changed—

she’s still here.

Just… evolved.

So maybe letting go isn’t losing anything.

Maybe it’s making space.

For who we are now.
And who we’re becoming next.

- Mariane Bekker