Hi,
This week, I’m gearing up to go to Burning Man with my awesome camp Titanic’s End. We’re also kicking off another SPV due to the success of the first one and I’d love to have you join us.
I wanted to personally invite you to a few of our upcoming events & workshops:
🚀 Exclusive SPV + Live Founder Q&A Tomorrow
We’re opening the Founders Bay x ACTAI Ventures SPV (co-founded by Bill Tai (first investor in Zoom, early in Canva & Dapper Labs, 23+ unicorns) into Vantage Robotics — the trusted U.S. small-drone maker used by the FBI, every branch of the U.S. Armed Forces, DHS, and enterprise leaders like CNN and Ford. With $22M in DoD R&D behind its platform and a next-gen nano-drone ready to scale, Vantage is primed to win share as U.S. policy tilts toward domestic, secure UAVs.
We’ve secured $500K allocation in an oversubscribed mezzanine round (pre–Series B, $38M cap, 20% discount) — typically reserved for insiders.
📄 Step 1: Read the memo →
🎙 Step 2: Join the Q&A with founder Tobin Fisher tomorrow →
Why join the call?
Hear directly from the founder before committing
Get your allocation questions answered in real time
Priority access for call attendees
This is a rare chance to back a mission-critical U.S. tech company before its breakout moment.
I found my peace in the quiet.
The day I let you go,
I don’t need your voice to guide me — because I can hear my own.
Last week, I wrote about belonging — about finding the people and places where you finally feel at home.
But here’s the other side of that truth: to truly belong, you have to let go of the people who make you doubt yourself. The ones who chip away at your confidence, blur your reality, or make you feel unsafe.
Toxic people aren’t rare. They’ll keep showing up — in careers, friendships, families, and relationships. They can be charismatic, funny, or highly accomplished. They can come disguised as mentors, “truth tellers,” or even “protectors.” But the tactics are almost always the same. Here are the patterns you can look for:.
1) Gaslighting
They rewrite reality to make you doubt your own mind.
Work: A manager denies giving you clear instructions.
Friendship: “You’re too sensitive—stop overreacting.”
Family: “That never happened—you’re imagining it.”
Relationship: Repeatedly dismissing your version of events.
Why it’s dangerous: It erodes your self-trust until you second-guess everything.
Excuses they use: “You misunderstood.” • “I was just joking.” • “You’re remembering wrong.”
2) Triangulation
They bring in a third person to manipulate or divide.
Work: “Everyone on the team feels the same way about you.”
Friendship: “X told me you’ve been upset.”
Family: “Your sister agrees you’re wrong.”
Relationship: Talking about an ex to make you insecure.
Why it’s dangerous: It creates paranoia and makes you fight shadows instead of addressing the real issue.
Excuses they use: “I thought you should know.” • “I’m telling you for your own good.”
3) Love-Bombing & Future-Faking
They flood you with praise or promises up front—then disappear.
Work: “We’re grooming you for a big promotion” (that never happens).
Friendship: Lavish compliments and big plans that fizzle out.
Family: Sudden generosity when they want a favor.
Relationship: Early soulmate talk, followed by inconsistency.
Why it’s dangerous: It keeps you hooked, waiting for the early attention to return.
Excuses they use: “Things are just crazy right now.” • “Be patient—it’s coming.”
4) Blame-Shifting & Minimizing
They make your reaction the problem, not their behavior.
Work: “If you’d done it right, I wouldn’t have yelled.”
Friendship: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Family: “We were just joking—you’re too sensitive.”
Relationship: “You’re overreacting.”
Why it’s dangerous: You start suppressing your needs to avoid conflict.
Excuses they use: “That’s just how I am.” • “You’re making this bigger than it is.”
5) Silent Treatment & Withholding
They withdraw to punish or control you.
Work: Excluding you from key conversations.
Friendship: Disappearing until they need something.
Family: Refusing to speak until you “come around.”
Relationship: Days of silence to “teach you a lesson.”
Why it’s dangerous: It conditions you to chase their approval for relief.
Excuses they use: “I needed space.” • “You should know what you did.”
6) Guilt-Tripping & Victim Playing
They make you feel selfish for protecting yourself.
Work: “After all I’ve done for you…”
Friendship: “I guess I don’t matter to you anymore.”
Family: “After all we’ve sacrificed…”
Relationship: “If you loved me, you’d…”
Why it’s dangerous: It forces you into self-betrayal to keep the peace.
Excuses they use: “I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” • “Wow… okay.”
The easiest way to spot them:
Say “no” or set a boundary. Healthy people might be surprised, but they’ll respect it. Toxic people will push back, make it about them, or use one of the tactics above to pull you back in.
The truth is, I kept toxic people in my life for far too long because I was afraid of what would happen without them. The thought of the quiet felt scarier than the chaos I was used to.
But when I finally walked away—whether from a job, a friendship, a family dynamic, or a relationship, something beautiful happened:
I found people who will never make me doubt myself. People who make me feel safe and I can rely on. People who would never use any of the tactics above—and if they see someone trying, they’ll stand beside me and defend me.
That’s the power of choosing peace—you make room for the people who protect it.
If we’re not already connected, I’d love to hear from you — please follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram. Let’s connect!
💫 Join our Founders Bay Inner Circle
Founders Bay isn’t just a platform — it’s a lane we built when we didn’t see one.
If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong in the startup world, this is your place.
No gatekeeping. No posturing. Just real community, real access, and real momentum.
Not part of our inner circle yet? You’re missing out on:
✓ Private WhatsApp Founder & VC Channel
✓ Free Access to All our Events Below for Free
✓ Monthly Investor Breakfasts and Dinners
✓ Weekly Expert Office Hours including with Mariane Bekker, Kristopher Floyd, Legal and CTO
Founders Bay Upcoming Events
Want us to sponsor an event or partner together? Contact us here
Wednesday, August 13 - 5:00 PM - 8:00 PM
Hosted by Mariane Bekker and Kristopher Floyd | Sponsored by Intercom
Get ready for an unforgettable night of vision, innovation, and connection at Founders Bay AI Pitch Night — a gathering of the brightest minds building the future of artificial intelligence. Held at Intercom’s beautiful SF headquarters, this event brings together early-stage AI founders, top VCs, operators, and the wider builder community for an evening of rapid-fire pitches, lively discussion, and real opportunities to connect.
AI Developer Camp—featuring Bill Tai, Legendary Investor (Sponsored by Founders Bay)
Sept 12–14, 2025
At the AI Developer Camp, hundreds of engineers, designers and entrepreneurs will gather to explore the frontiers of machine learning with the Gray Whale Ai platform. During our 48-hour idea competition, attendees will learn about the latest advancements in machine learning from the world's foremost experts in the field.
Thursday, August 14 - 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM
We’ve teamed up with ACTAI Ventures — co-founded by Bill Tai (first investor in Zoom; early Canva, Dapper Labs, and 23 public companies) and Amanda Terry (ex-Twitter, 5 startup exits) — to co-invest in Vantage Robotics.
Why Vantage
Proven customer adoption: Chosen by FBI, U.S. military branches, DHS, allied forces, utilities, and enterprise leaders like CNN and Ford.
Strong growth trajectory: $4.8M revenue in 2024 (+26% YoY); forecast of $6.4M in 2025 with profitability expected this year.
High-value pipeline: $80M in sales opportunities plus $22M in DoD-funded R&D, providing multiple pathways to scale.
Regulatory tailwinds: Positioned to capture share as Chinese drone ban and U.S. domestic manufacturing mandates take effect.
Product leadership: Differentiated nano-drone and full UAV portfolio built for mission-critical performance.
Friday, August 15 - 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM
Led by Darlene Harper, a seasoned Fractional CHRO who supports fast-growing startups through her firm Darlene Harper LLC, we’ll cover what to do (and what to avoid) in your first 10–50 hires. She’ll share real-world examples and practical tools that work for small teams aiming to scale with intention. This session is perfect for founders, early team leads, or anyone wearing the “HR hat” at a startup.
Wednesday, August 20 - 5:00 PM - 8:00 PM
Founders Bay: Women Pitch Practice is a friendly and supportive space for women founders to practice their startup pitches, receive helpful feedback, and grow their confidence —hosted by Mariane Bekker from Founders Bay, Jeni Chang from Founder Institute and Natalie Pan from Funding Breakthrough Lab (accepting Aug cohort applications). Whether you're getting ready for a pitch competition, investor meeting, or just want to improve how you talk about your business — this session is for you.
Wednesday, August 20 - 5:00 PM - 10:00 PM
We're kicking off the Step San Francisco with a fun and relaxed opening party hosted by Founders Bay. Join fellow founders, investors, and tech leaders for an evening of good conversation, music, and energy as we celebrate the start of an exciting week. 🎶💬
🧬 FUTURECRAFT 2035: Biotech Showcase 🌱
At FUTURECRAFT 2035: Biotech Showcase, we're democratizing cutting-edge strategic foresight—previously reserved for Fortune 100 companies—and delivering it directly to biotech founders, visionary investors, researchers, and industry leaders.
Thursday, August 28 - 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM
Founders Bay Expert Office Hours: 2-Hour Block Legal Advice is a chance for startup founders to get direct legal guidance from an experienced professional. Led by Jessica North (Jorrie), Partner at Perkins Coie LLP, this session is perfect for founders seeking clarity on legal matters. Jessica specializes in advising emerging companies, venture capital funds, and private equity investors, making her a valuable resource for startups at any stage.
Friday, August 29 - 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM
Stephen will walk founders through the financial, legal, and strategic groundwork needed for a successful raise. From understanding your company’s valuation to setting up a clean cap table, you'll gain practical advice that helps you avoid common mistakes and speak the language investors expect. You'll also hear real-world insights from Stephen’s experience advising early-stage startups.
Thursday, September 4 - 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM
Our speakers, Jessica North and Jason Schneiderman from Perkins Coie LLP, are experienced startup lawyers who have helped many founders launch and grow their companies. They will share real-world insights on common challenges, legal steps, and smart fundraising strategies. 💡
Managing Partner, Founders bay
Hi! I'm Mariane Bekker, an investor and a tech executive with over a decade of experience building high-performing engineering teams at leading startups such as New Relic and Mindbody. I've led engineering through 5 acquisitions and 1 IPO.
I’m the founder of Founders bay and Women Founders bay, connecting founders with expert guidance, events and funding opportunities in the Bay Area.